how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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