the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
