I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
