I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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