Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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