Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize