If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
