So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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