we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
