Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
