I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
