my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
