wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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