ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is Oprah even human
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
