just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
