Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
