More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
