Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
