Pants 0. Shit 1.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
