you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
