toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
