I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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