so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
