So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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