I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
