I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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