Yo dont text me then not text me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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