his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
