and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
COCAINE IS GR8
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