the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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