hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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