let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
