Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
