I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
