I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
