I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize