if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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