White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize