That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
