you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
