he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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