my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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