All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
