ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
