He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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