Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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