i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
