The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
