My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
