He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
