She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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