Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
try to milk me bitch
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