Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this boner is exhausting
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize