how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
