can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
