I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
