Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize