oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
