Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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