just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
