Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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