A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
