Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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