You smell like stripper and shame
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
