I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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