FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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