Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
