So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Randomize
