the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
