I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
