Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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